Aside

Goodbye 2012

Well here we are at the end of yet another spectacular year… good or bad, I know it was massive for everyone. 2012 came in a hurry after the whirlwind rollercoaster 2011 proved to be.

At a personal level, when I look back and contemplate the year its as if there were 10 years rolled into one. With both extraordinary gifts and deep and profound lessons, harsh realities, dizzy heights of ecstasy and equally dark periods of the same intensity and proportions I have come out of 2012 a completely different person than when I started.

A few of the highlights include lessons in life and love; beautiful deep and short romantic liaisons that brought with them some harsh and yet profound personal lessons; continued dramatic changes on the home front as a sequel to the kinds of changes that went on in 2011 including changes to the kids’ schools; being made redundant after 5 years in my dream job; a severe bout of hepatitis that had me hospitalised and learning to love living as a single woman and mother to two children.

But the highlights were like nothing I could have ever imagined for myself; finding myself in my art once more; continuing to develop some wonderfully deep, meaningful relationships with some extraordinary people; working on some dear projects – including my blog, and my Facebook page; taking a two week life changing trip to Egypt, falling in love with the country and developing a deep understanding of who I was in a past life and finally, meeting the love of my life: my lover, my partner, my twin flame, my soul mate which allows me to enjoy the gifts that such a deep love brings on a daily basis. A deep and rare love which allows us to enjoy all of life has to offer – together.

2012 was no easier than 2011, however 2011 felt like the precursor, or the ‘prep school’ for what was to come in 2012. Had I not had those experiences in 2011 (some would say equally dramatic what with a sudden marriage breakdown, displacement due to the floods, selling the house, giving away most of our belongings and our beloved pets, moving to the other side of town, and a terrible run of health issues in my family), I would likely not have been as prepared for what came in 2012.

What did I learn? Loads. In terms of resilience, I’m like silicon. My ability to deal with change is unquestioned. Living a life in flow and love has become as basic as the need to breathe. Can I cope with more change? I can’t imagine what if anything could possibly change – but I know what it takes to deal with what comes with all the grace and appreciation I can muster, knowing that no matter what, however life prevails it is all for my highest good.

So now I cast my thoughts to 2013 and what it brings forward. The difference between this and other years is that I have walked my path – proudly – alone. This year, I approach the year with the added bonus of the support and love from my partner. This year, we approach the problems, the pitfalls and the prizes of what is in store together. In terms of what I am after for my children – naturally their ongoing happiness and ensuring that their basic needs are met where they are given the opportunities to flourish and grow are paramount. In terms of what I intend for my partner and me the obvious thing that comes to mind is to simply enjoy what I have already witnessed that is growing and deepening day by day, the ability to continue to grow in the deep love we have shared; to enjoy our work and continuing to prosper as a couple so that we can enjoy the spoils that come with focus and determination, such as travel, time alone together and apart, and making real inroads to our personal goals. For some time now I have been given the message that this year is about development of self, time to integrate my life experience through study which is calling to me deeply. It’s a year for personal development which will ask of me to invest my time and resources in the areas of interest within the helping professions and my spiritual path.

I’m being asked to write, so I will. Both my own book and a book of my grandmother’s life. And then there’s the beautiful lush reward that comes with my creative passions: photography, water colour and mixed media, which will help underpin and nourish me for what 2013 holds in store. Reluctant to set ‘goals’ per se (as I find that this can sometimes work against what I am trying to achieve – I can never really know what the universe has in store, lets face it), I do like to set an intention by visualising what I wish for myself and I will sit down with my family and discuss this with them also so that we can hold an awareness of what is important for the year; then I will simply let it go and trust that universe will do as it always does and weave its special magic. And at the end of that year, I am sure – as I am now – I will be writing about the deep learning and the gifts 2013 brought me to cherish forever. I truly am a very blessed individual and I am deeply grateful to be living the life I have. I wouldn’t swap it for quids.

 

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A Lesson in Gratitude

Aside

The last time I posted it was the 21st of September, and I had just posted of my impressions of Cairo – after just 24 hours in Egypt about to set forth for an amazing two week tour. And, it was spectacular for the obvious and not-so-obvious reasons – experiences aplenty, many past life recollections that flooded in, the most surreal realisation that most if not all of my dreams were set in Egypt (never been there), it told me a lot about who I am, and who I was.

I met some extraordinary people – locally and on our tour – who will remain friends for life. The intention of course was to blog each day’s experiences, well the days were full and the internet connection intermittent, the schedule hectic and this didn’t really leave the space to sit and write as I had hoped. I realised that perhaps I was just a whole lot better to just absorb the experience, photo journalling wherever possible (and I have some amazing photos) and just go with the flow… this proved to be a much more reasonable expectation ultimately – given the circumstances.

On every front, the trip was incredible. Two weeks is a long time to spend in any country and as you’d expect I came to know the country and its people fairly intimately over that time. While there were rough language barriers in some cases, my experiences were that the people were incredibly kind, tolerant and welcoming. I felt very blessed and will treasure the memories for a lifetime. There were unexpected surprises around every corner, and surprisingly, leaving the country at the end of the trip was far harder than I anticipated it would be. I had some wonderful souvenirs, both the bought kind and crystals from the earth itself that simply gifted themselves to me wherever I walked, and another completely unexpected one: Hepatitis A.

I was home about two weeks, and after attending a conference felt very run down. I thought I might have been getting the flu or something similar but was hospitalised 3 days later with a very severe bout of Hepatitis A and remained there for 11 days. It has taken all my time and energy since then, along with incredible support from my partner Ura to get to this stage – being able to blog again. It’s been 3 months. Two since I became unwell. And somehow, we have arrived at Christmas. The last quarter being pretty much a blur for me. Exciting, interesting, fascinating, and devastating all at once. Life is never dull around here.

Curiously, I managed to meet and fall in love with a wonderful man in my partner Ura just before I left for Egypt – indeed he was the one that encouraged me to take the trip of a lifetime which I would never have done if it hadn’t been for him. The pace at which our relationship developed took even my breath away, which is saying something. I couldn’t understand why things were unfolding so quickly or what purpose there was behind it. I was happy to let go and be in flow, I am quite ok with trusting the universe’s wisdom and would even describe myself as having a degree of ‘cautious spontaneity’, but it was swift and fast which was curious because I had decided that I was happy to be alone and single indefinitely. Yes, I know, that’s when it comes along …

So, it ended up that this amazingly generous and wonderful man was not only someone who was attentively loving, open hearted and aware; who opened his life and welcomed me with both arms, who encouraged me to head to Egypt and experience what life had to offer with both hands…. and who – as God would have it – had been immunised against Hepatitis A many years before. Because of this he was able to come and see me in hospital every day and was the only person who could because I was in isolation – as I was a public health risk! I even turned yellow for the privilege thanks to a severe bout of jaundice that followed!

The last few years have been a hell of a rollercoaster ride for me, but the one thing that got me through all of it was the realisation that things were not happening to me, but around me. That was always my saving grace: getting through a violent end to marriage; through the trauma of seeing my entire neighbourhood annihilated by flooding; my parents ill health (cancer and a heart attack) and moving on my own; through a 12 month battle to keep my job (I was eventually made redundant this year) and having to eventually make the decision to take the kids out of their beloved schools which was a very difficult decision for me to make, but necessary. Finally, I meet Ura and fortunately all of those decisions were the right ones as had I not taken the actions I had, life would have been extremely complicated and I would have been financially destitute. Things really do happen for a reason, and now I am on a completely different, inward journey – as ‘big’ as any Egypt tour, longer, with the ETA unknown. Will I come out of this a different person? Most likely yes as I have every reason to believe that this was all necessary – the last unturned stone of transformation. The timing, on a metaphysical level, is impeccable. So I’ll be using this blog to document my moves forwards, sideways and backwards, as I learn to accept things as they now are, and move forward in a way that is both realistic and beneficial and open to the love that Ura bestows on me. With that, and the wonderful love of well wishers, my family and incredible friends no matter what, I am one very lucky lady and I am deeply grateful for all I have, make no mistake.